15yo: Working on the house so you’ll have a surprise when you come home.
Me: Oh, I love surprises!
15yo: It’s part of Operation Sssss.
Me: What’s “Operation Sssss?”
15yo: It’s the plan my sisters and I created as secret siblings.
Me: Can you be more specific?
15yo: We’re the Scheme Team.
Me: Yeah, I get that. What are you girls up to?
15yo: A pet.
Me: We have 5 pets already. A dog, guinea pigs, fish. What kind of pet are you wanting?
15yo: We’re trying to convince Dad to let us get a Python.
Me: A PYTHON? Have you lost your minds?
15yo: Ball pythons are very friendly and easy to care for. You only feed them once a week. The males don’t get very big.
Me: What do you feed them?
Me: This just went from bad to worse.
15yo: They’re not live rats. They’re frozen.
Me: And just where do you plan to store these frozen, dead rodents?
15yo: Duh, Mom. In the freezer.
Me: Next to our food? Gross! No, no… just NO!
15yo: Don’t worry. I’ve already priced small freezers. We can keep them in a separate freezer in the garage. I found one for $150 at Best Buy online. What a deal? Huh?
Me: How do you plan to pay for this new freezer?
15yo: Spot cleaning a house.
Me: Whose house?
Me: I’m not paying you $150 to clean your rooms and do the dishes!
15yo: Not just the dishes and our rooms. It’s a surprise.
Me: [after arriving home from work] Wow! The kitchen looks fantastic!
15yo: Look. We cleaned every room in the house. [takes me on a tour]
Me: You organized my shoes by color?
15yo: Yep. And your books are all organized and alphabetized by author on the shelves now too.
Me: [writes check for $150] How much is this snake?
15yo: Depends on the type of Ball Python. There are hybrids of all kinds. They’re so pretty. [pulls out phone to show examples]
Me: [shivers] Well, best of luck to you. Dad is terrified of turtles. I seriously doubt he’d allow a snake in the house.
15yo: No worries. I alphabetically organized all his movies and X-box games.
Me: You sound confident.
15yo: Yep. Gonna name him “Monty.”